What he is thinking when he ignores you?
Here’s how it usually goes: the relationship is off to a great start. You text, you talk on the phone, and you hang out and everything seems to be going great until it’s not going great anymore until all of a sudden he’s distant. You don’t hear from him as much as you used to, he might just completely go see you, and he’s just nowhere to be found.
He’s ignoring you, or he might slowly fade away over time, and there’s nothing more frustrating than not knowing where you stand with someone. If he doesn’t like you: fine that hurts, but at least you can move on. It’s when you’re stuck in this gray zone that you really start to go crazy the human mind wasn’t designed to be.
You just want to understand and want to know the status of your relationship, and that’s reasonable when you don’t know because he’s ignoring you, so you have no idea what’s going on in his head, and it really can drive you crazy. But don’t worry, I’m here to help, and I’m gonna give you the reasons why he’s ignoring you and also giving you tips on what to do about it.
Reasons Why He Is Ignoring You?
First of all;
Is he actually ignoring you or are you just being paranoid?
Relationships tend to start at lightning speed, in the beginning, he’s a texting machine and texting you all the time, he’s really pursuing you because he wants to win you over. Once he’s won you, he might pull back a little bit, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, he’s just settling into a more normal routine.
So you can’t really expect that same level of texting right away that you had in the beginning because this is not sustainable, people have other things going on in their lives. So just be honest with yourself, and just check yourself;
Are you just being really insecure, or is he actually ignoring you?
If he’s going days without responding to you, or if he just doesn’t respond to you at all, maybe it’s been weeks or months, or maybe he responds to you, but his answers are super short and cold then, you have a problem, and it sounds like he is ignoring you. And it’s probably for one of the following reasons.
1. He’s Mad At You:
One of the most common things women do when they’re mad at someone ignores them and they do this to punish them.
- He caught you flirting with another guy.
- You’re kind of sending mixed signals to him, and he doesn’t really know where he stands with you, and that’s really bothering him.
- You had a really big argument.
- You’ve said something that offended him.
So the best thing to do is to: just ask him straight out, and say it seems like;
“You’ve been a little distant lately. I just want to say: I hope everything’s okay, and you can talk to me about whatever it is, and I’m always here for you.”
And then just leave it alone see what comes back your way, if you know;
- What did you do wrong?
- Why is he mad at you?
Just apologize without making excuses, be sincere about it. Don’t give him a ‘but apology’, a ‘but apology’ is where you say something like;
“I know, I was flirting with other guys, and I’m really sorry about it, but you never pay me any attention, so that’s why I need to get attention from other guys.”
When you put ‘but’ in an apology, everything you said before the but is null and void, so don’t do that.
2. He’s Not Your Boyfriend And He’s Acting Like He’s Not Your Boyfriend:
A lot of the time, when women meet a guy and click with him, they just assume that he’s their boyfriend, or they really want him to be their boyfriend. So they just put everything into that one relationship, and they abandon other options and just hone in on him.
If he isn’t your boyfriend, you can’t expect to be fully emotionally available to you because that’s something a boyfriend does. That’s not something a casually dating guy does or friends with benefits.
You can’t place those expectations on him, you have to look at the relationship, and you are not in the relationship you want. If he hasn’t made it official then, you can’t expect him to act like your boyfriend, and you shouldn’t act like his girlfriend.
Another big reason: he could be ignoring you if he’s not your official boyfriend is that he’s with another girl, and the thing is you can’t really be mad at him because that’s the whole appeal of being in a relationship where you’re not official is that he can go out with other girls. So that’s a big possibility, you have to look at what standard you’re holding with him;
Are you holding boyfriend standard, or are you holding him to whatever your relationship is standard?
3. He Needs Space:
When a guy’s feeling emotionally overwhelmed he will typically pull back, withdraw and take some space to deal with whatever is going on. It usually has nothing to do with you, it really is just all to do with him, and it’s just how he deals with things when things are just difficult.
Men don’t like to be seen as weak, especially not in front of a woman he really cares about, so that’s why he might be pulling away from you and shutting you out. It’s really because he cares about you so much that he doesn’t want you to see him that way, so that’s why he might ignore you when he’s dealing with something difficult. It could be a problem at work or family problems or any number of things.
Don’t badger him if this is what’s going on. Just let him know that you’re there if he wants to talk, and he can find you, or if he wants to talk if you keep texting him and he’s not responding, and just leave it alone.
4. You’re Being Too Needy:
Men have a visceral adverse reaction to neediness if he feels that needy energy coming off you, he just won’t want to deal with it, and he won’t want to deal with you. Neediness is a mentality where you need him to feel okay, compliment you to feel beautiful, and constantly reassure you to feel like you’re secure in this relationship.
You basically need constant validation from him which is exhausting and exotic, which means; you have those needy insecure friends that constantly need if you are told no you don’t look fat, your skin is not breaking out, you’re beautiful, you’re fine then, it’s exhausting for you when you deal with it. When other people are being needy, and it’s exhausting in relief, no one wants to be responsible for someone’s emotional well-being.
And guys, in particular, have a very low threshold for dealing with this. Not to say he doesn’t want to make you feel good about yourself, but he doesn’t want to be the sole source of you feeling good about yourself. That’s an unrealistic expectation, and that’s not his job, it’s your job to feel good about yourself.
A relationship can enhance your happiness and sense of worth, but it cannot be your happiness and your sense of worth. So if that’s what you’re putting on him is too much pressure, and that’s probably why he’s ignoring you because he just doesn’t want to deal with it.
If you’re being needy then, the problem is: you like to feel a narrow range of emotion somewhere between feeling pleasant, calm, and content; anything beyond that can be very emotionally overwhelming for him.
Sometimes, you have to deal with it because relationships come with more emotions than feeling pleasant and calm, but if it’s constant drama, he’s not gonna want to deal with it.
5. He Wants To Break Up With You:
Most of the time, guys are ghosts because they just don’t want to deal with you. So he’s ignoring you as much as possible, and he just kind of wants you to break up with him, or he wants you to get the message that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.
So the best thing to do is: say something like;
“I can tell that you’ve been a little distant, something’s been a little off, if you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore, I need you to tell me.”
And if you give him an out like that he’ll take it, and if he wants out or if he doesn’t, but really it turns out that he’s been dealing with all this other stuff then, he’ll tell you that too, so say something one time, that’s it.
If you still don’t get an answer out of him, just forget him.
6. He Doesn’t Like You:
The fact is: what kind of guy likes you?
- Is he there for you or in your life?
- Does he call or text you?
If it’s not what he’s doing then, he’s either very self-involved, or he’s just incapable of being in a relationship with someone else because it’s not a nice thing to do. Unless maybe, he is dealing with some emotional difficulties, but if that’s the case then, he’ll tell you and say;
“I’m dealing with some difficulties, and I need some space right now to process, not just gonna ignore you.”
It’s even worse as the guy started like super in it. You’re in an innocent amazing relationship, and then he ignores you for like three weeks, and then he’s back, and then he ignores you again, that is selfish behavior, which is not the one you want to be involved with.
What To Do If He Ignores You?
1. Don’t Badger Him:
Just leave him. It’s so important to keep your dignity intact because you will regret it. If you come at him, you will play it over and over again in your mind because that is just not who you are, you are not your angry emotions.
So if you come at him from that place, it’s just gonna feel horrible to you. Just don’t try to corner him into talking to you, he knows where to find you, and you don’t need to keep reminding him that you exist.
2. Don’t Subtweet Him:
Don’t post angry tirades or sappy love quotes on your social media accounts, and don’t post to get a rise out of him or get his attention. Because you know what you’re up to, everyone knows when you’re posting something: that’s directed at someone else on Facebook.
It hurts and painful when someone doesn’t want to be with you, and you want to express those painful emotions. Don’t express it to the Internet or it to him, but express it to your girlfriend or therapist or journal, that’s it… doesn’t go beyond that circle.
3. Don’t Stalk Him:
Stop obsessively checking his social media accounts or his LinkedIn or whatever else. Don’t try to accidentally run into him, or find him or figure out what he’s up to and where his head is at.
Just let it go, you know he’s ignoring you, that’s all the information that you need to know if you’ve said something and he continues to ignore you, that’s it. You’re not gonna get anything else by acting like an inspector and trying to analyze all the clues and figure out.
Exactly what’s going on that you might want closure, everybody wants the closure, and you feel like it is impossible to move on unless you get this closure. That is wrapped up in a beautiful pretty bow, but here’s the thing about closure, it is important to get closure to move on, but you’re not going to get it from him, and he’s the last person that can give you closure.
You need to give yourself closure, and you need to get to a place where you accept that and you can move on. And the fact that he’s ignoring you is all you need to know that there are no explanations that are gonna make you feel better if you confront him and try to have a closed conversation. He’ll probably give you something, but he’s not gonna give you the whole story because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
So you want an opportunity to have an emotional conversation with him in the hopes that you can plead your case, and get him to rethink his decision, and fall back in love with you and want you and want to give it another try.