Few steps to get over a breakup First, how alone you feel, how much pain you’re in, and how isolating it feels? Breakups are extremely isolating experiences, you feel boxed in by the pain, and you can’t see beyond, and it feels like; there will be no light at the end of the tunnel. And you always feel this way like this pain is yours and yours alone, and no one could understand, but its depths have reduced the gut-crushing soul to the crushing darkness.
You need to actively work on and move on with the time. You can’t let time tug you right along, and then, eventually, you get to this magical place where there are no scars left behind from that relationship. It doesn’t work that way, you need a process, grieve, feel, heal and build yourself back up. Time will help you move along with the need to get in touch with your inner strength so that you come out of this even better and stronger than ever.
1. Accept The Situation:
You have to move on because you’ve accepted that, this relationship is over, and it is time to move on. You have to give this some time in space, and you have to truly establish that it is over. So don’t contact him or don’t beg him to take you back because what you have left will lose one last thing of dignity.
Don’t look for closure or answers or friendship or for anything you need. Complete space right now to work things out internally. You need to accept this new reality and accept he’s not in it.
2. Don’t Take It Personally:
It’s very hard not to take that personally and feel like;
“I wasn’t good enough, what did I do wrong? what else could I do?”
You should have been some other way, and then, maybe this relationship would have worked out. This is not a healthy way to think about things, and it’s also not the truth.
Sometimes, the timing isn’t right, or sometimes two people are great individually, but they’re not so great together. Not everyone is the same because everyone has different things that they want and need in their partner. And the things that maybe this guy felt like;
“Okay, I don’t like that she’s.”
This way another guy feels like;
“I love that she’s, and this way, this is what I love most about her.”
So it’s not personal, don’t beat yourself up and think that you’re not good enough because that’s not the truth. Maybe you weren’t right for him, but it doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough to have the love that you want. And you will find that with someone else, it means that he wasn’t the right match for you.
3. Feel Your Feelings:
Most people skip this step because they do what I used to do, which is completely numb out, and fill themselves with distractions so that they don’t have to think about anything. You have to feel your feelings like pain doesn’t go away because it goes unacknowledged.
Don’t bury it or hide from it, and don’t numb yourself out. You have to face the pain, and breakups are painful at best. Breakups are a little bit sad at worst, they’re downright traumatic, either way, they leave a lot of painful feelings that you need to experience. So if you don’t, they’re going to stay there, and they’re circling your being because they’re not just evaporating.
It doesn’t work that way in the beginning because you had visions of where this relationship would go, and things didn’t turn out the way that you wanted them to and that’s sad. It’s devastating, and you need to grieve because a breakup does feel like death. It is the death of the potential of what could have been, and also this is a person that was so firmly entrenched in your life.
You spent so much time together, and now they’re gone, which means, almost feels like you amputated a limb or lost a vital organ. It is so hard when that person isn’t there anymore, and that’s sad to be gentle with yourself.
Let yourself cry, feel sad, and mourn the loss because it’s a great loss, even if you recognize that this relationship wasn’t the right relationship for you. It’s still a painful loss, but life must go on eventually. So you have to give yourself a limit to how long you allow yourself to swallow.
4. Write Him A Letter That You Don’t Send:
Write him a letter that you don’t plan on sending, but you’d be amazed at what can come out of you and how good it can feel. Because most of the time you get caught up in the cycle of thinking about the things you wish you had said to him and even if you have those closure talks with him. It’s never sat fully satisfying, there are always things that are left unsaid after a breakup.
Your emotions will start spiraling all over the place: anger, sadness, despair, feelings of nostalgia, and yearning for the good times, and all these emotions can surround you in a period of 30 minutes. You’re in a position where you need an outlet to find out if you’re angry at him and want to let him go, or whether you’re feeling nostalgic and you’re reminiscing about the good times.
Write it all down in the letter that you don’t send to him and if that feels a little odd to you. Maybe, it’s a journal you would be so surprised at what can spill out of you when you let it all out. Sit down, let your feelings out and see what comes out of you.
5. Do A Self Check:
Breakups are an enormous opportunity for growth. It’s a big opportunity to work on yourself to develop and build yourself up, or it can also be an opportunity for you to completely ravage your self-esteem and allow all these faulty beliefs about yourself to be ingrained inside you.
You don’t want that use as an opportunity to come out even better than you were before, which means you need to ask yourself some questions so that you can get to a healthy place for your next relationship. There are some questions that you should ask yourself:
- What did I learn from this relationship that I can use in my next relationship?
- What did I do in this relationship that I’ll never do again in a relationship?
- What qualities do I truly need in a partner?
Some of these can be qualities that your ex possesses, or some of them might be things that you know your ex didn’t possess. So think about what it is you need in a partner:
- Why did I stay even though the relationship wasn’t working?
- Why do I feel so stuck on him and unable to move on?
- What did I learn about myself through my time with him?
These questions you can either talk out with a friend or a family member or write it out and think about it on your own but spend time on this.
6. Get Excited About The Next Relationship:
The time to process, grieve and work on yourself and get to a better place. It’s time to be excited about the future and learned from your next relationship. Try to focus on the exciting parts of the new relationship because it is so exciting the beginning of such a magical time.
“Think about how exciting it is to share that first kiss, or the first I love you, or even when he says that you’re official girlfriend, or when you go on your first trip together.”
Think about all the exciting things because a new relationship is super exciting.
How amazing it’ll be to be with a man who truly appreciates you in a way that your ex credit man. Who sees you and loves you for exactly who you are thinking about those parts of it? And what if it feels like you’ll never get him, but you’ll get out of him?
There you have to have faith and be positive because being negative doesn’t do anything for you, it keeps you stuck in a depressed, miserable, spiral.
Finding the right guy tells two things:
- You have to make yourself a vessel to receive love when he comes along. Otherwise, you will stay stuck exactly where you were, and history only says that you keep repeating yourself.
- Put yourself out there, and then use everything you have learned to build an amazing relationship.