How to let go when he doesn’t like or love you back? The brutal truth about when a guy doesn’t like or love you back, there’s not much you can do about it, and you can’t control how someone else feels. There are certain things that you can do to increase your attractiveness and your likability. But if you’ve done those things, and he still doesn’t like you back then, there isn’t much you can do about it.
It’s so frustrating because as humans, you have this need to control everything in your lives. But there isn’t much you can do, and you can’t force someone to feel the way that you want them to feel. What you can do, is work on and move on to finding someone who does reciprocate the way you feel about them. So here is how to get over this type of situation.
1. Stop The Obsessive Loop:
When a guy doesn’t like you back, it is so hard not to pick everything apart about the relationship. You think about every text message that you sent each other, and the last time you saw him, did he know that was the last time? You play and replay every single thing that happened in your mind over and over to the point of making yourself feel absolutely insane. But the thing is from the famous psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said between stimulus and response is:
“Man’s ability to choose.”
It’s true if you exercise your mind a little bit, you can choose what thoughts you feed into. You don’t have to reflexively give in to all the thoughts that flood your mind. So you start thinking why doesn’t he want me? It must be because of this:
“I’m not as pretty as this girl or I talk too much and loud or whatever the case.”
You can choose not to feed into those thoughts, so you could say when that thought comes into your mind. You have to tap into it, the more you feed into those thoughts, the more power you give them over you. And a horrible feeling to constantly be questioning every single thing about yourself.
2. Realize That You Are Not In Control:
Obsessing gives you this feeling like you are in control. It takes you somewhere and then you understand why he didn’t want you back and why he doesn’t like you back? And then you can fix it and can be in a relationship with this guy. But that is an illusion because you can’t control how someone else feels.
All you can control those obsessive thoughts in your mind, and you don’t know the exact reason why he doesn’t want you back? You have to realize that control is an illusion once. You can understand this, and then, you’ll free yourself from all the mental gymnastics. Try to understand, what went wrong?
3. Is It Him Or Is It The Idea Of Him That You’re Stuck On:
Honestly, it’s much harder to get over a guy who was never your boyfriend than to get over a breakup. Because in a relationship when you break up, at least you were there, you tried, he tried, but it didn’t work. So that you have something tangible to look back on when a guy doesn’t even want to try.
When he doesn’t even want to get into a relationship with you in the first place that hurts so much more. Because first of all you’re breaking up with the potential of what could have been, and potential is always so much shinier and prettier than reality in your mind. How great you would have been together, but you didn’t even get to that point because he didn’t want to, and that’s what hurt. He didn’t even want to try, you wanted to see how great you could be together, and that is so much more painful than being broken up.
It is way harder to get over a guy who was never your boyfriend than to get over a guy who dated most of the time. That’s what you hurt over, it’s not the loss of him that you hurt over. He’s not in your life in the way you want him to feel so hurt that he didn’t even want to try. Most of the time the pain you feel is a bruised ego rather than a broken heart.
4. Get Distance:
You cannot see a situation clearly when you are stuck in it. You need to step back and have some distance, so you can get some clarity and see things for what they are. So that means to get a distance from him and don’t respond every time you text.
Try to cut him out completely and probably follow the no-contact rule here. You need space and to focus on other things. Spend time with your friends to pursue passion and new hobbies.
Put your attention elsewhere literally on anything other than him. Instead of obsessing about why he didn’t like you or why he didn’t love you? Put your focus on liking and loving yourself that will serve you so much better than obsessing over this guy.
5. Create Your Own Closure:
You will never get the closure, which is perfectly packaged with a pretty bow on top. You won’t get it from him and obsess, and there is no closure to be gotten. Sometimes you need to make your own closure. It’s holding on to the hope of the closure that prevents you from moving on and keeps you stuck obsessing over something that you never even had to begin with.
Most of the time, he doesn’t even know why he doesn’t want to be with you because it’s something intangible. So he can’t offer you anything beyond what you already have to work with. All you need to know to get closure is that he doesn’t want to be with you, that’s it, and that’s the closure.
Sometimes, you need to make your own closure from that you need to realize that personal. It isn’t because of the things that a guy doesn’t like about you, and you are the things that the right guy loves about you. Everyone has personal preferences about what they want in a partner, and it’s not universal across the boards.
Some guys like girls with a softer personality, or some guys like a more alpha type of personality, everyone is different. Sometimes, closure doesn’t come, and having a phone call with him where you’re both teary-eyed and explaining;
“Oh, I wish it could work.”
But it couldn’t because of business and this. Sometimes, closure is running into him on the street or wherever and not feeling the need to text your best friend right away and tell her every single minor detail of the interaction. Sometimes, you need to create your own closure, which takes control of your mind and thoughts.
Remember, it’s not personal, if you take it personally, you’re ultimately hurting yourself. You’re only preventing yourself from getting the love you want and from having happiness in life. So don’t do that to yourself because you have a lot more control than you think.