What to do if you’re dating a guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship? How to commit him? We’re going to plan step by step to find out if he needs a little more time or if he’s wasting your time.
Imagine this scenario: You’ve been dating a man that you like, and you’ve been spending time together and getting to know each other, the things are going great. You’re acting like a couple, and you feel like a new relationship is beginning, but when the topics come up, he tells you he doesn’t want anything serious, and he’s not ready for a relationship right now. He just wants to continue dating and doing what you’ve been doing, but no commitment and no seriousness. Of course, he offers you some.
Reasons Why A Guy Doesn’t Want A Relationship:
Perhaps, he has suffered from his last relationship, or he may have many personal or financial problems that he is dealing with. Whatever the reason, he doesn’t want a relationship, but he does want to continue dating and see what happens, which is very disappointing and, you can’t help but wonder what’s going on. Does he just need more time to get to know you, or is he just wasting your time? Should you take a step forward?
Before getting more attached, should you give it some time? And hope things will change well if you’re dealing with this situation, the first thing you need to do is figure out if your timeframe is reasonable this is the first. And the most difficult step of all, let me tell you why because there’s no universal timeframe for knowing when the time’s right to get more serious. So if it is a new situation, perhaps, you’ve been dating for a few weeks or maybe a few months, who’s to say what is too early for a commitment?
Some people might say that it’s unreasonable to get into a relationship after only two dates, while others would say that waiting two months is unreasonable, so you may be sure that you want a relationship with him after just a few weeks.
Questions To Ask Yourself When A Guy Who Doesn’t Want A Relationship:
But if he says that he’s not ready, of course, you’re going to wonder, if his request to take more time is reasonable, you’re going to question if you are pushing too fast, does he just need more time or is he just wasting your time? Well, these five questions can help you get those answers.
- Have you seen him five or more times or been on at least five dates with him over a month? In other words, have you spent time with him at least once a week?
- Have you been physically intimate with him in a way that you normally reserved for when you’re in a relationship?
- Are you acting like a couple, or do you spend non-date time together?
- Would you have been devastated or angry if you had known that he went on a date with another woman yesterday?
- Do you find yourself thinking too much about him, or is he constantly popping up in your mind?
Steps To Follow To Get A Guy To Commit That Doesn’t Want A Relationship:
If you’ve answered yes to number one and yes to at least one of the questions two through five then, wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with him is completely understandable and reasonable, in other words, you’re not pushing too fast, so here are the steps to follow to make that relationship happen.
1. Give Yourself A Timeframe:
Relationships are all about timing, so if it is a relatively new situation, perhaps, he just needs a little more time to be surely waiting.
There are several important benefits to taking time to make his decision:
- It shows him that you respect his decision-making process.
- He is worth the wait and helps him build a deeper connection with you.
And maybe that’s what he needs, so give yourself a six-week time frame in the meantime and follow all these tips. If this is not a new dating situation, instead of saying that you have been dating for more than six months, still, give yourself a time frame for these steps, but It may take up to two or four weeks.
2. Stop Thinking And Talking About Commitment:
There are two reasons for this:
- This usually isn’t an issue that gets resolved in one day.
- Handling the situation in the wrong way will usually backfire and make the situation worse.
So during the timeframe that you’ve established, you have to stop talking about commitment if you’ve already had the discussion. Because you’re on two different pages of the book further discussing or trying to convince him of your point of view will make things worse the more you talk about it the more pressure he will feel and that’s not a good thing he knows what you want and, every time you bring it up, he pulls further and further away from you.
If you want this guy to finally commit to being in an exclusive relationship, you need to stop bringing up anything to do with the future or with the relationship altogether, and you’re also going to give yourself a vacation from worrying and thinking about it for now because constantly worrying about, why he doesn’t want a relationship is an uncomfortable and insecure position to be in, and when you are worried about whether or not he wants you.
You are less likely to focus on something even more important, do you like him? Do you agree with him? So, for now, give yourself a little break from it.
3. Stop Giving Him Everything He Wants:
When a person has everything they want, what’s their incentive to try harder? What is the incentive to change? I mean, if you’re hanging out together and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. And he’s happy, why would he change anything? He’s getting all of his needs met if he’s getting his need for companionship and attention and friendship and intimacy and sex, he’s getting all of his needs met, he’s not going to change.
Just to be nice to you, so you’re going to have to set some boundaries for yourself, for him, and for the relationship that means that you’re going to have to start saying no to him, you’re going to have to disappoint him, and that’s okay you’re going to have to set expectations of him and make him meet them.
So you can’t be his last-minute booty call, you can’t continue to meet him for a Netflix and chill, you’re going to have to let him know that your expectations, let him know that if he wants to see you, he’s going to have to make plans with you and take you out on a proper date remember you’re not asking for some unreasonable demand no you’re simply asking him to treat you with respect and plan a date if he gets angry and breaks up with you consider yourself lucky he was only using you.
4. Make Him Work For You, Care More:
When they put more effort into their relationship, so make him work for it, don’t make everything so easy for him, make him invest in you and try harder, and when he does, he will be increasing his feelings of love and appreciation for you. And I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about things, small favors, helping you complete a project at home, studying things that take time and effort. Yes, he invests more, and he will like you as a result.
So ask him to help you with everyday chores and taking care of your needs, and when he does, he will be valuing you and appreciating you more, as a result, the bottom line is that you have to allow him to invest his time in his effort, and his energy if he wants to see you make him come to your side of town, let him pick you up.
5. Keep Your Options Open:
I know you don’t want to date anyone else you’re not interested in dating multiple men, well ask yourself this question; why is it so easy for him to tell you that he doesn’t want anything serious?
Well, one of the biggest reasons he’s not worried that you’re going anywhere, he’s not worried about any other man winning your heart, and that is a huge problem see one of the biggest reasons, Why people get into committed relationships is because they are worried that if their partner is dating others then, they might like the other person more it’s fear-based, so they want you to get into a committed relationship. So that you’re off the market, but why isn’t this guy worried about taking you off the market? It’s because you have convinced him that you only want him, so he’s not worried that you’re going anywhere.
And many of you are probably saying, yeah, I’m not interested in dating anyone else, I understand, I hear you, and so does he, so he can comfortably tell you that he doesn’t want a commitment because he has no fear that you’re going anywhere, no fear that he’s going to lose you to another man.
He knows, how you feel or what you’re up to? He knows he has nothing to worry about, so let me ask you again if he knows he’s not going to lose you to another man, or you’re not interested, or willing to date anyone else if he’s not worried that someone else might treat you better, why would he change? Why would he try harder?
So until your guy finally realizes that you’re the woman for him, don’t stop dating other men and keep your options open. Even if you’re not particularly interested in these other guys, I mean, don’t be obnoxious or in his face about it.
Keep your social calendar full of dates with others, and you will be less worried about what your guys doing, and he will definitely notice that you’re not as available as you once were, and it will add a high amount of anxiety to get him to take action.
6. Have A Strong Conversation:
After your timeframe as I mentioned earlier, if this is a new relationship then, maybe it will take some time to decide on the desire for the relationship, but if you’ve been doing the last four steps, he’s very likely going to bring up the commitment.
Talk himself especially, if you are as compatible as you think you are, but if he doesn’t bring it up himself at some point after your timeframe has passed, you will need to initiate the conversation.
Let him know that you understand that he’s unsure or confused and that like you, he deserves to be in the happiest and best relationship for him, and then tell him that he needs to take some time and be alone. So he can figure it out.
Yes, you’re the one who suggests to him that he needs some time away to figure it out, but in the meantime, this situation isn’t meeting your needs because you want a person who is 100% all-in, so you’re going to continue to date because you want a relationship, and when he figures it out, Try to convey the following messages in that way and let him know that:
- You care about his well-being and want the best for him, even if that doesn’t include you.
- You’re not willing to tolerate or accept anything less than 100% from a person.
- You deserve more, and you’re showing love for yourself and will not accept less than you deserve.
- You have the confidence that you will find what you’re looking for and despite being disappointed? And You know that this is the right thing to do.
- Your life doesn’t stop as you wait around for him to figure it out now.
If he cares about you and has feelings for you then, this conversation is likely to be a game-changer. Maybe not right away at that moment, but if he knows you’re serious and you follow through within a few days, you’re going to see some serious change in him.