How to feel better after being ghosted? Why guys ghosts, and how to recover from it with your self-esteem intact? How to get through situations like that or any other scenario where a guy goes to see you with your self-esteem fully intact, your head held high without this chipping away at your sense of worth.
Usually, a guy will get out of a more casual type of relationship, but guys also ghost from serious relationships. So this is a really pervasive problem, and this one gets the most emotionally heated and charged reaction.
It seems so immature, childish, and disrespectful. He couldn’t even have the decency to call you and let you know that he no longer wants to see you.
If you were gonna hear from him, it just seems so mean, and it also just seems to devalue you and what you had:
- Were you completely delusional in this relationship?
- Were you in a one-sided relationship?
If he didn’t even care to break up with you, he did never care about you, to begin with. You feel like a fool, hurt, embarrassed, and angry, and you have all kinds of feelings: it’s awful.
So how to make this experience slightly less awful that will help you to move on so that you’re not bitter and jaded and so that you really can’t find a guy who is right for you.
Why Do Guys Ghost You?
A man would rather walk over a bed of hot coals than tell a woman to her faith that he no longer wants to see her, and he doesn’t usually make the conscious choice to ghost. Usually, what he tells himself is;
“I’ll break up with her, but I don’t want to do it today. Maybe, I’ll just do it later in the week, oh, but now it’s the weekend, I don’t want to ruin her weekend. Oh! no, it’s Monday, and she’s a big project, so I don’t want to do it now.”
And then he kind of keeps telling himself that until enough time has gone by where he feels like. It would just be ridiculous to call you at this point because you’ve probably moved on, you probably are on the same page as him, and there’s no point in having this whole emotional conversation about it.
A lot of the time, we would tell ourselves what we want to believe because that’s just so much easier than having to deal with an uncomfortable reality. So he would rather believe that you’re on the page. You understand that the relationship would never work out that you aren’t a good match. So there’s no point in talking about it, and that’s what he tells himself.
Men aren’t as comfortable dealing with emotionally overwhelming situations as women are. The thing is: it’s much harder to ghost as a woman because in general, the guy is the one doing the pursuing.
If a guy likes you he’s gonna call or text you, and he’s gonna ask you out. So you can’t really disappear unless you just completely ignore him if he reaches out to you.
Ways To Feel Better After He Ghosted You:
1. Realize That:
It’s not because you were insignificant the real pain that you feel after being ghosted, and it is not a broken heart, but it’s a bruised ego. It hurts that he didn’t care enough to give you a proper ending.
The biggest mistake you can make is just assuming that he goes to you because you didn’t mean anything, and you weren’t even worth having a breakup conversation with, and this isn’t reality, these are your deep fears talking.
Many women have these unconscious fears of being unworthy and unlovable, and that’s something that they feel deep down. It’s not something that’s on the surface of the subconscious is always looking to prove itself.
So when something like this happens it counts it your subconscious mind pounces on it and says;
I told you:
- You weren’t good enough.
- You were unworthy.
- No man is ever gonna like you back.
- You’re going to end up alone and kind of feed into those feelings, which plays into your feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness, but that is not what’s going on here.
Feelings aren’t facts just because you feel a certain way, and you feel like if he goes to me, it must mean because I meant nothing to him, just because you feel that doesn’t mean that, that’s true. The fact is most men are just better at compartmentalizing their emotions than women are.
A guy can just put something in a box, and push it to the side, and tell himself: okay! It didn’t work out with this girl, and it was never gonna work out what else is there to think about. So he doesn’t think about it. It doesn’t mean that he never liked you, and you are just unworthy of love because that’s ridiculous.
You could see how ridiculous that is because you have been ghosted, and if you haven’t been ghosted yet, it’s coming because it’s just a fact of life. At this point, does that mean every single woman on earth is unworthy and unlovable? No, it just means that this guy wasn’t the right guy for her.
2. Don’t Reach Out To Him:
I know you want closure, and you think that you need closure to move on, but here is what you need to realize, he can’t give you closure. Trying to get closure from him is a complete waste of time because either he’s just going to ignore you.
So you’re gonna reach out, and you won’t hear back from him, and that’s just gonna make you feel even worse. You already got posted by this guy, now you’re reaching out, and he’s intentionally ignoring you, or he’s just gonna give you an unsatisfying answer.
What you’re not gonna get is a detailed explanation about why he no longer wants to see you. The reason you’re not gonna get this is that he doesn’t even know the reason.
Most of the time the guy says;
“It was just a feeling that I didn’t think of, and I was gonna work out with this girl.”
And that’s not satisfying. A woman is not gonna take that and run with it and not gonna accept that she’s gonna say;
“What do you mean, just a feeling? Let’s talk about it and figure out how to make that feeling?”
Because women are fixers and your brain is gonna go into overdrive, you do not feel satisfied, and you’re not gonna be able to close the book on this with an answer like that. Even though that’s most likely what’s going on, and if he does know the real reason why he no longer wants to see you, he’s not gonna tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt you.
So you’re basically not gonna get anything out of having this conversation with him. You can give yourself closure here, which means that it’s closed, done, and finished.
And the fact that; he goes to you is all you need to know that is all the evidence you need that this is not the right man for you.
3. You Aren’t Matching:
Some people aren’t a match, and that’s okay! It feels personal, but it’s not. You feel like you must be fundamentally flawed and lacking because why didn’t he want you? You wanted him. Why doesn’t he want you back? The thing is for a relationship to work both.
People need to want to be in the relationship, and if he doesn’t want to be in the relationship, then there’s nothing else to fight with here. The right man for you is a man who wants to be with you, and if he doesn’t want to be with you, it means he’s not the right guy for you, and this could be for a variety of reasons.
I’m sure you’ve dated guys who were wonderful on paper. They checked all the boxes, and they were attractive, nice, and smart, and they treated you well, but you didn’t want to date them. Maybe you just weren’t attracted to them, or you didn’t feel excited about going on dates with this person. I’ve definitely had that experience where you’re getting ready for the date.
And you’re just like;
“I don’t even want to be doing this or wasting my makeup on this guy, and I don’t even feel like it. I want to go back inside my pajamas.”
That’s not the same thing as like when it’s a guy you like, and you’re like;
“Yes, I’m so excited! I can’t wait, you’re thinking about it all day, and you can’t wait to get ready. You’ve experienced that as well.”
I’m sure there was nothing wrong with the guy, but it wasn’t the right fit for you. The majority of the time, that’s what it is, and it’s more about your ego. It’s not about the guy if you think about the guy himself. I’m sure he’s not so far superior to any other guy that you’ve met, what’s bothering you is the way that it ended and how it ended, and that is hurting your ego more than anything else.
So that’s really the source of the pain that you’re feeling here. Guys can lose interest over all sorts of things, and if a guy loses interest over something small, he was never in it enough for it to work out, but the guy gets turned off because you used too many exclamation points when you’re texting with him.
4. Focus On Yourself:
Instead of obsessing over him, how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking, and what’s going on in his head? Just focus on you because you have no control over him, over his emotions, how he feels, and why he feels that way? The only person you can control is yourself.
So focus on creating the best life possible for yourself. Spend time with people who make you happy and make you feel good. Do things that make you feel happy and make you feel good.
Put your energy into that because that is what’s gonna take you closer to having the love and the relationship that you want saying stuff;
“I’m this guy who goes to you and is not gonna does that for you.”
It’s just gonna make you bitter and jaded, and it’s gonna make you angry. At men, that is just a poisonous vibe and bad energy, and that is just gonna push away the things that you want to have in your life.